March 03, 2005

Crammer vs. Crammer

"Nobody makes a greater mistake than he who does nothing because he could only do a little"
- Mahatma Ghandi

Procastination. I hate it. It's not because of the people around me doing it but because I have a most difficult time shaking off this terrible habit. I feel as if one of the seven cardinal sins called "Sloth" is really an invisible but real entity that sucks every ounce of motivation and enthusiasm from my blood leaving me lazy and wasted for the rest of the day. It's doubly terrible because I know this is wrong and no matter how I psyche myself, I still end up doing nothing. My Id is quite persuasive in convincing me to take things a bit slowly cocooning me in this artificial sense of false security.

I found out that this kind of behavior is typical for those who are passive-agressive in nature. I don't think there's a pill or a salve that you can just apply physically to take this disorder away. AAAArgh!! I could perhaps whack my head into the concrete wall just to shake up the fatty neuronal passivity of my brain but I think this would result more to a cerebral concussion rather than an epiphany of jumpstarting things up.

Because of this, I found out that I work rather best if only a little time is given wherein I am already panicking, my chest pounding, my frayed nerves disintegrating and my mood deteriorating. MaƱana boy. The perennial crammer. **sigh. Is it just me? Are there others who share this kind of predicament for I feel I'm the only one who can't rise above the tide. I can only blame myself for these consequences. I keep saying to myself that this is not happening to me... My sisters do not have this problem! Why me??

So, as of the moment, I am finishing my case presentation for the interns' hour at this god-forsaken hour. The computer at the apartment was too distracting and the bed too tempting. The spirit is weak and the tempation to slack off too great. If I want to finish this, I have to get out of there. So I took a diskette and wrote my report in a 24-hour internet cafe nearby inspite of the impracticality of it all. The venti Double Espresso White Chocolate Frap seems to be kicking in. MMM....Damn Damn Damn!!! Gotta finish this! Gotta finish this!!

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