August 16, 2005

SONA 2004: A Rejoinder

Last August 2004, I commented on the insipid and statistic-laden SONA of GMA by writing an alternative one below. How relevent is this still remains to be seen. Things were a bit clearer and level-headed last year than what it is today, but I'll let you be the one to decide.

Actually, the SONA of President Arroyo was not the original speech she intended to deliver. It was a hastily written draft made by Dinky Soliman replacing my speech. Damn, that Dinky! She must have sensed that what I've written can capsize this administration. Capsize my foot! So, she crumpled and threw away my 11"x8" piece into the paper shredder, and with an evil glint in her eyes, she mocked, "Now, your nefarious plan, whatever it is, will never ever happen." The last thing I remembered was her elephant feet tramping away from the Office of the President.

This was the jist of my original SONA, since I didn't save any drafts:

1. To curb the unbridled population rate, we shall adopt a 4 children policy in which a parent or parents can have a maximum of only 4 children regardless of custody. For which after the fourth child has been delivered, attending physicians are hereby authorized and deputized to ligate the mother's fallopian tubes so as to prevent unnecessary pregnancies in the future. This will be with consent signed by the husband and by the mother-in-law.

Should the couple have more than four children on or after the promulgation of this bill, the parents of the unfortunate spawn can have two options:
a. put the child into adoption
b. the family can raise the child with a proviso for payment of an annual Nuisance Child Tax which amounts to 10 times the parents combined income taxes.
c. the family who cannot comply with the Nuisance Child Tax for a maximum of three years, will force the child to commit seppuku with Dinky Soliman acting as a "second" and such ritual will be placed under the auspices of the DSWD.

2. All public utility vehicles including but not exclusive to jeepneys, taxis, buses, FXs, calesas, Tricycles, Trisikads, etc., will be confiscated. Sixty percent of which will be nationalized and refranchised for public use while the rest will be disassembled and smelted into recycled steel by the National Steel Corporation.

3. All police officers and personnel shall undergo 2-months physical and skills retraining at specified military installations in compliance with the 32-inch waist line memorandum. Certification from such retraining is obligatory for reentry into the police service. All police officers and personnel shall have a tamper-proof portable electronic BlackBox to record all apprehensions of law violators. This device shall be turned over to an NBI representive who will electronically feed it into the NBI database for future reference.

4. All residents of Mindanao with Muslim descent shall be transmigrated to designated cities and municipalites all over the Philippines, with the provision of land parcels of equivalent land values of their former residences. Farms, buildings and other Mindanao-based assets shall be confiscated and recompensated by means of high-yielding government bonds of equivalent market value. Each city and town must not have a Muslim population more than 15% of its total population. This act shall be made under the authority of the AFP.

Non-compliance to the act shall be deemed subversive, therefore, subject to forfeiture of any civil liberty and protection of justice. Liquidation shall be executed through the modus operandi of the newly deputized Davao Death Squad.

Muslim Lands and assets remaining in Mindanao shall be put up at a nation-wide public auction under the auspices of Christie's and Southeby's. Proceeds shall go to government agencies, specifically the DPWH, DOH, DSWD and DAR. Mosques shall be transformed into Christian churches pending auction by the Iglesia ni Christo, Mormons and by the Catholic Church.

5. There will be a creation of a body for the shift from presidential form of government to a federal type. A federal state is currently defined as a state comprising of not less than 3 provinces sharing enthnolinguistic similarities and can generate enough revenue for self-sustainment. Rules and regulations on this matter are still pending.

Current nominations for federal states are:
a. State of Ilocandia (Region I + Batanes, Cagayan, Isabela, Kalinga-Apayao, Ifugao)
b. State of Bicolandia (Region V + Northern Samar)
c. Ilonggo Republic (Region 6 + Palawan, Romblon)
d. Republic of Cebu (Region 7 & 8)

Thank you My dear Filipinos. Good Morning.

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